These boots were made for stomping zombies

About two months back, I realized that my kitten-heel black boots with the wafer-thin sole probably weren't the most appropriate footwear to be stomping around downtown in, considering I was covering 2+ miles a day in them. At the same time, I was seeing a lot of flat boots around, some equestrian, some not so much, and coveting the easy, comfortable look. But in the back of my mind, there was still a howling, gibbering desire for this:



Needless to say, going for the whole look isn't an option. There's not a whole lot of opportunity for a supportive undergarment there, and the weaponry might get a little heavy on my commute. Oh, and Eric Brown busted out the seams of my favorite red dress in college (I still have those photos, Eric) and I haven't found one I liked since.

What I could emulate, though, are those boots. And suddenly there's the confluence of current trend and poignant longing for badassery to enable my purchase of footwear.

According to this site, you can actually buy the "hero" boots (I think that means Milla's feet were actually in them — if you're into that kind of thing) for $4,500:



This is one of those times I start thinking how cool it would be if I won the lottery, then realize I'd be the most stupidly profligate newly-minted millionaire ever and end up on one of those TLC shows moaning about how my periodontist cheated me out of seven figures.

The closest match I'd been able to find were the Camper Spiral boots. Which I could never find both a) on sale and b) in my size. I love Campers, but not $200+ worth.

After that burst of urgency that, for me at least, usually follows several years of stubborn longing thwarted by self-denying cheapness, I ended up buying these, gratuitous hardware and all:



They turned out to be a great compromise between looks and fit — the front of the calf is a nice leather, and the back is that stretchy fake stuff that hooker boots are made out of. Respectable equestrienne in the front, crack ho in the rear! I found a 20% off coupon at RetailMeNot.com, and shipping was free, so I ended up paying only $108.76 for them! And frankly, when you're preparing for the Zombiepocalypse, $108.76 is a small price to pay for comfortable, reliable footwear.

Besides, you need to save your money for your emergency food kit and zombie survival guide. DUH.